These moments – cold,
in the bathroom,
naked except for the blister plasters
and the indent across my ribs
from the new bra.
Before the eyeliner is scrubbed away.
Before I’m back to that flushed girl
with big dreams.
These moments – fresher
than the rest.
And in the end, always,
I’m churning everything inside me,
making pretty songs. But especially moments
Moments with clothes curled
on the tiles, with blue clarity,
the moments wondering if it matters
that my tits are lopsided.
There are boys swimming in my head,
boys I once knew,
boys I might know,
girls I want to find. All
Suds down the drain. Sponge on skin.
Every moment in every bathroom –
every grimy, cold bathroom,
stacks of them, in my head.
Holy baths and sloppy showers,
moments for renewal,
moments of dirty thoughts.
Underwear kicked off, inside out,
door locked so only
exists – here – in front
of the mirror, the same crooked
grimace, the same curious brows.
Moments of steam and condensation,
bed socks twisted together.
Cold weight of wet hair, always
the same cycle. Water
rolling down my back.
I am my own voyeur, in all these moments.